The Great Cookie Expedition
by Yumi-chan-likes-chainsaws
Summary: Set around events of ch. 73. Kaoru thought he could go to Kyoya's house, talk and leave, full stop. He was not expecting to be interrogated, kidnapped and told to crossdress, but we don't always get what we expect. Complete.
1. Start

**0x-The Great Cookie Expedition-x0**

**-Part one-**

-x-

Kaoru breathed in, buzzing the shadow king's doorbell.

Kyoya had told him to come some day; possibly not so soon but Kaoru was quite eager to find out where his senpai lived. He thought he might live in a cave somewhere, hanging upside down and sleeping and sucking blood 24/7.

But no, Kyoya lived in a normal, completely average, regular regular regular...mansion...as Haruhi would say *insert slightly offensive foul mouthed language here*

The front door swung open to reveal a tall dark haired fellow, scowling and rubbing his sleepy eyes. 'Who are you?' he demanded.

Kaoru shrank back a bit. 'Kaoru...is Kyoya-senpai here?'

The older man blinked groggily. 'Upstairs; don't go if you don't have a death wish...'

Kaoru grinned, 'Know that.'

The man moved aside to let the red headed Hitachiin in. But before Kaoru could even look at his surroundings, there was a snap of fingers and he was pushed down on to the sofa, a cup of coffee thrust into his hands by a frightened looking maid who then quickly scampered off. The man, who had opened the door, sat down on the coffee table, somehow having changed out of the nightwear he had been wearing in lightening speed and was now in a shirt and tie.

He pulled out a pencil and a notepad not unlike Kyoya's. 'Awfully sorry, but tradition is tradition,' he laughed, a hint of malice behind it. 'So...Kyoya...'

Kaoru blinked, supping his drink. 'What about him?'

'You are one of those hosts aren't you?'

The youngest Hitachiin nodded.

'Good, now what do you think of him?'

Kaoru's eyes widened, 'p-pardon?'

'What kind of person does he strike you as. How much respect does he earn?'

The younger answered quickly- 'Um, well we all respect him greatly most of the time...I guess he gives off a cool, calculating, smart vibe?'

The man took everything down, waving at him to continue.

'Um, well I believe that, contrary to what most, and himself, say, that Kyoya-senpai is a decent person and a nice guy. He says everything he does, he does for merit and I suppose thats true, but I think he likes to make people happy just as much as the next guy.'

After taking notes on all this, the black haired man glanced up at the red head. 'Good good, so you think that of my little brother, huh?'

Kaoru double took. 'You're senpai's brother?'

'Yes, does that bother you?'

Kaoru felt his cheeks heat up. 'So you'll tell him everything I've told you?'

The Ootori shrugged. 'Possibly, if it has merit. Now...back to the questions...'

Kaoru ditched his coffee and ran from the room, ignoring the second Ootori son's protests, straight into someone's open arms.

He was pressed to the, now obviously, females chest as she dashed down the hall with him and quickly into a room which she then locked. After hearing the mans footsteps disappear, she let Kaoru fall to the ground with a soft thump. The younger Hitachiin picked himself up, staring at the black haired woman who had saved -kidnapped- him.

'T-thanks,' he mumbled.

'S'okay Kaoru-kun,' she chirped. 'I'm Fuyumi, Kyoya's sister.'

Kaoru sweatdropped. _No resemblance...whatsoever..._

She sighed, 'all my brothers are so uptight; and my youngest is getting to be like that too...pity...wanna cookie?'

A large tray of cookies were thrust in his face, and he took one, munching on its chocolaty goodness carefully.

'I baked them myself. Kyoya says that I should just let the maids do it but thats no fun...he also says I should stay in my own house with my husband and all, buuuuuuut,' she turned and winked at Kaoru, who just grinned, 'I never listen to him!'

Kaoru grinned. She was a hell of a lot nicer than the brother.

'You can wait in the spare room up the stairs until lazybones wakes up and I'll tell him you're here.'

Kaoru nodded. The tray was dropped into his hands. 'These cookies will keep you going.'

Fuyumi pushed him out the door, into the long hallway. Kaoru sighed, counting twelve cookie on the tray. _I'll bring some home to Hikaru..._

Walking up the stairs, Kaoru found the room Fuyumi was talking about. Well, it was hard to miss the big neon yellow sign saying- spare room here. Kaoru balanced the cookie tray on one arm and opened the door with the other. Upon opening the door though, he noticed the room was already occupied with a man on a blue laptop.

He turned, glaring at the red head standing stunned in the doorway. 'I'm busy- Kyoya's down the hall. But before you leave, gimme a cookie.'

Kaoru quickly offered him a biscuit which he grasped, and then went back to his work, first kicking Kaoru out of the room, less than politely. Kaoru grumbled, making his way down the hall to the room which was marked- Kyoya.

He took out a marker and scrawled- Aka. Shadow king from very depths of hell- underneath it.

He giggled, entering the room without knocking. 'Kyoooooooya senpaiiiiiiiiiii!'

There was no answer, and he was greeted by an empty sitting room. _Oh...he must be upstairs...dont have a death wish...dont want to wake him._

Kaoru just sat down on the sofa, eating another cookie. Getting bored quickly he stood back up and waltzed over to the bookshelf. It was full of business books and files that quickly bored Kaoru so he wandered over to the swivel chair and twirled it. That bored him too after...about half an hour so he wandered round and round and round until...

~Gulityyyyy beautyyyyyyy loooooove~

Kaoru blinked. Tono's obnoxious ringtone was not coming from his phone. He had turned it off after several blasts of 'Bokura no lovestyle' courtesy of his over protective older brother. That left Kyoya's phone.

_That sound would be enough to wake the dead...he has to be awake!_

Padding up the stairs, Kaoru threw open the door...just to see that Kyoya was snoring softly through the blast of hideous music. Kaoru sweatdropped.

The sleeping boy gave a little sniffling sound in his sleep, rolling over so he had his back to the offending mobile on his dressing table. Kaoru smiled. He was so much more...unthreatening when he was asleep.

So with that, not quite realizing why he was doing it, Kaoru clambered up on top of his senpai's bed, almost looming over the shadow lord. Kyoya was snoring softly, his small black notebook abandoned beside him.

'Woah...,' Kaoru mumbled out loud, 'he looks so peaceful and serene...'

At the sound of his voice, Kyoya stirred. Kaoru double took, scrambling off his senpai, grabbing the notebook as he crawled at break neck speed to the foot of the bed, lying o his stomach and pretended to read.

The shadow king groaned, reaching for his phone, grumbling at all Tamaki's missed calls. Kaoru decided to make his presence known. 'Oh, so you're finally awake.'

Kyoya made a look of complete and utter horror as he took in the appearance of the red head on his bed.

'Good morning Kyoya-senpai, I'm hungry.'

-x-


	2. Finish

**0x-The Great Cookie Expedition-x0**

**-Part 2-**

-x-

So, a bunch of stuff about a lawyer and the Souhs was conversed about, but you already know all that so...

-x-

'Cookie, Senpai?' Kaoru asked, stuck for conversation after Kyoya's speech about Tamaki and the rest.

Kyoya took one, munching on it thoughtfully. 'So, whats the next cosplay?' he asked, knowing Kaoru wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon.

At the mention of clothes, the younger boy's face lit up eagerly as he blurted, 'they're downstair! I brought them but left them in the sitting room after Fuyumi-san stole me away from Akito-sama. Do you wan' me to go get them?'

The shadow king sighed, snapping his fingers. A maid rushed through the door, almost like she was lying in wait, and sprang immediately to his side. 'Miss, would you mind awfully going down to the living area and bringing me this fellow's bag?'

She nodded, giving him a rushed, _yes master_, and skipping out of the room. Kaoru blinked. 'I would'a got them...'

'She will,' Kyoya brushed off. Within moments, the young maid was back with Kaoru's bag of cosplay, bowing and exiting the room, smiling to herself that she managed not to get her head eaten of for talking to Kyoya in the morning.

'So, whats the theme?' he asked, readjusting his glasses.

'Well, its like we're cosplaying as commoner students!' Kaoru chirped, a little too eagerly. 'Mostly 'cause Mi'lord wanted to see Haruhi in a sailor suit thing, you know, like her old school uniform.'

Kyoya sighed, 'that idiot never thinks. That would be risky, her dressing her appropriate gender. The princesses might twig.'

Kaoru tugged his hair. 'We were going to make someone else crossdress, so it wouldn't look suspicious...we were thinking Tono, but he might scare the princesses away with his creepiness...maybe Hunny?'

The shadow king jotted all this down in his recovered notebook. 'So, who's outfits have you done?' he asked, watching the bag suspiciously.

'Uh, Tono's, Haruhi's, Mori-senpai's and yours,' he stated, pulling the three offending objects out of the bag. Kyoya eyed them up.

'My one is much the same as the one I've got, except black,' he murmured.

Kaoru grinned. ' There isn't a lot of choice for male costumes. Tono won't be too happy with his not _.._

Tamaki's was simply a polo shirt and a sweater, much unlike his usual over the top outfits. Kyoya was secretly pleased. He took another cookie. 'Where'd you find my sister anyhow?' he asked, munching.

'Oh, she kidnapped me and brought me to the kitchen and gave me this cookie and she saved me from your older brother and I don't like him much because he was sorta mean to me so I went into the spare room but your other brother was there so he kicked me out and-...'

Kaoru continued to rabbit on and on and eventually Kyoya's bored gaze fell on Haruhi's cosplay outfit. It was a light blue colour with pink ribbons and a pink pleated skirt, not unlike those uniforms you see in animes. The white socks and ordinary _cheap_ school shoes were also a must have with them, not that Kyoya would know that. Not like he had watched a few shoujo animes or anything...

He glanced up at Kaoru, who was still talking, and suddenly, out of nowhere, little bubbles of light came about, almost like a screen and Kaoru was still talking...but was wearing the offending object-the uniform.

Kyoya blinked, rubbing his eyes and the image was gone and he was met by Kaoru raising one eyebrow. 'Something wrong Senpai?' he said sceptically, 'you have Tono's inner mind theatre look.'

Kyoya double took. _Cant believe I just thought of that image...shudder..._

'Nothing is wrong Kaoru, I was just proposing what size that uniform there was.'

Kaoru smiled, 'why, want to wear it yourself?'

The shadow king glared at his kohai from underneath his glasses. 'That is preposterous. I was simply thinking would it fit you?'

The red head blinked, caught off guard by the question. 'I-I'm a tad bigger than Haruhi, but I'd fit in a push, why?'

'Just thinking...the outfit is a little too exciting for our Haruhi,' he pondered as Kaoru smirked, 'it would suit your nature better...'

'You think?'

'I think.'

'Huh,' Kaoru said thoughtfully, 'well I guess I'll fit it on...' He began to unbutton his shirt, much to the distaste of the demon lord.

'I'd prefer you to take off your garments in the bathroom,' he sighed exasperated, ushering the complaining Hitachiin out of the room. After getting him into the bathroom, Kyoya flopped down on the bed, quickly reaching for his cosplay attire, getting up and hurridly changing before Kaoru was to burst in again. _Except this time in a commoner girl's uniform..._Kyoya mentally scolded himself.

Kaoru pushed open the door uncomfortably just as Kyoya was about to button up his new shirt. The outfit being Haruhi's size, it was naturally a bit on the small side. The skirt was mid thigh; completely inappropriate for normal public school and the big cuffs on the shirt, which were originally meant to cover the hand, was hanging limply at his wrist. But amazingly, other than the height, it fit.

Kaoru grinned impishly. 'Haruhi would be maaaaad to know I fit in her cosplay outfit...'

Kyoya smiled slightly, buttoning forgotten about. 'Why would you say that?'

'Because it means she really is flat chested,' he laughed. Kyoya wasn't all that amused, but gave a small chuckle anyway.

'That was uncal-?'

Kyoya was cut off as a cookie was once again thrust in his face. 'Wan' one?' the younger Hitachiin asked, a cookie also sticking out of his mouth. Kyoya shook his head as the twin pouted. 'Come on, have one!'

'Kaoru, I have already said that I don't want one,' he answered.

Kaoru grinned, forcing the cookie on him. 'Come on come on come on!'

'N-no, Kaoru get away from me!' he protested.

Kaoru forced him to sit down on the bed, clambering up on the distressed vice president of the host club's lap, still trying to force the cookie on him. 'Come ooooooon!'

_Kaoru get off me! _He tried to say, but when he opened his mouth, the cookie was pushed into it forcefully by the twin and all he managed was a _mmphrh?_

As if on cue, the door was flung open to reveal a happy Fuyumi and a slightly shocked Akito. Kyoya blinked, unable to say anything for the cookie in his mouth, and unable to take it out for Kaoru pinning his arms down. Then he remembered he hadn't even finished buttoning his shirt.

Kaoru blinked at the now flustered intruders, suddenly becoming aware once again of his shameful attire. 'Uh...its not what it looks like?'

'Sorry!' the two siblings yelled together, jumping out slamming the door behind them. Kyoya spat the cookie out.

'God! Its not what you are thinking!' he yelled after them, buttoning up his forgotten about shirt and trying to push a now frozen crossdressing Hitachiin off of him.

Outside the door, Fuyumi grinned, holding her hand out expectantly. Akito dropped a few hundred yen into it. 'Told you, but you wouldn't listen!' she chirped.

Akito grumbled. The sister smiled. 'Well, at least he's happy,' she laughed, skipping off.

The second son looked after her distressed. 'But the boy cross dresses! And he's a boy! There wont be anyone to pass on the generation!' he yelled, chasing after her and dropping his similar to Kyoya's black notebook on the ground. It opened on the page with his research he had done on the younger Hitachiin twin on it.

_Subject- Hitachiin Kaoru_

_Is obviously infatuated with my little brother..._


End file.
